So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
