Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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