Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
