So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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