Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
