He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
