So drunk its hurt
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3pm strippers are depressing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize