you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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