4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
