im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
