Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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