i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
