Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
