update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
