there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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