Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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