Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
