My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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