Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's always time for handjobs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
