My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she looked like the before picture.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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