I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
