Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.