I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
