I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We need to rekindle our bromance
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
