mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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