Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
