If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
