I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize