I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
