I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
