Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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