so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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