You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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