I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
