is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
