what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
