the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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