Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
