she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
