I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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