i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
