I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
