From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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