Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
