Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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