I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
