you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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