After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
