then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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