i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
