She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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