I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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