i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize