I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
