I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
