I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
