At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
