I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
