i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
